Oh my god, June 21 is National Selfie Day? Also Father’s Day?!? What’s that about? Why do we even need a national selfie day?
Well you’re here, so that means you’re at least interested. If there’s one thing we can say about today’s generation of young people, it’s that we’ve grown up in a totally different world than our parents. We are the selfie generation. Or is that millennials? Wait, are we millennials? Are generational divisions nothing more than a ploy to continue dividing the American populace, and the rest of the world, as well? Probably. But, before we tear down the world and its institutions, lemme take a selfie.
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Am I vain for thinking I look hot af and should share pics with the world? Oh absolutely. That’s pretty textbook vanity. Until, like, we decide otherwise. Because we live in a post-modern world. That is to say, there is no such thing as objective truth. Plus, the rules of feminism mean I don’t have to care whether other people think I’m vain anymore. So read on for some selfie-taking tips.
How to take a good selfie?
Just in case you have absolutely no proprioception and can’t tell where your camera is. Look up at the camera. It’s in your hand. Also you’re supposed to raise your eyebrows to make your eyes look bigger. Because why would you want to look like you actually look? I mean, who doesn’t want to look hotter? Wait, is the feminism that’s been pushed by the media actually empty, devoid of value? Is it nothing more than a concept to market rampant materialism? Almost certainly. But, I mean it’s not that deep. I want to be pretty.
2. Extend Your Neck
Don’t want to look like you have two chins now do you? I guess we’re done with the body positivity movement. I mean until we want to sell soap or something I guess. But anyway, extend your neck up so that you can emphasize your jawline. It’s pretty good advice I guess. Plus the body positivity thing was always weird to me anyways. I mean, isn’t that just trying to redefine beauty, instead of emphasizing to young women that they have worth beyond their physical looks?
People often get caught up in angles and stuff and never even consider lighting. Natural light is best. Stand near a window or at least make sure you’ve got some sunlight. It helps minimize shadows. Like the shadow of unrealistic beauty standards. But I really think this doesn’t get to the main issue. Which is that young women should be free to be ugly. Seriously! What’s wrong with being ugly? I’m fat, which is not what the majority people would define as attractive. And so what! Most people are gonna get fat eventually, and we’re all gonna die anyway. Except me, fingers crossed.
Don’t directly face the sun, it can add shadows. Additionally it’s bad for the skin. And your eyes. Also florescent lighting Is terrible. It absolutely wrecks any confidence you would otherwise have. I mean it somehow makes me look both overweight and emaciated at the same time. How is that even possible? Speaking of, when I say that fat is not something the majority of people would find attractive, that doesn’t mean you’re unattractive. My husband thinks I’m pretty, even when I don’t, for example.
A good way to make up for any selfie-taking deficiencies, is to have a nice background, that show’s off something else besides just your face. And, really, I guess that’s the point I’m trying to make here. You have worth beyond your body. You have a mind, you have experiences, you have learning to do. I think a lot of modern movements seem to be aimed at making everyone feel beautiful. But I don’t think that’s quite right. I think it’s more important to make women feel that it’s ok to NOT be beautiful.
6. Have Fun
Look, it’s fine to want to look good in pics. Hell, it’s even fine to want to look good for boys, girls, or other potential romantic partners. I mean, no one polices boys for wanting to look attractive to women. Why shouldn’t girls want to look hot too? When I say it’s ok to be ugly, I mean just that. I want to live in a world where women are not defined only by their beauty. But that doesn’t mean I want to shame women for wanting to be attractive. To remind yourself that, sometimes, both are ok, why not have some fun? Post stickers and other dumb stuff in your pics.
Remember the “social” part of social media. Show your love for someone by sharing a pic with them. Look hot together. Look stupid together. Look ugly together. It’s up to you what you want your selfies to show.
In the end, the best piece of practical advice I can give you is to experiment. Try to find good lighting. Experiment with different angles. Try different expressions. Really, you’ll only get good with practice. But remember something while you’re try to look good. That you have worlds within you that are more important to share than your looks. You have a mind that needs sharpening, and ideas that need exploring. So, go out there, look hot. But remember your worth beyond that.